B.
I think it might behoove me to admit to something, which is that I have a few hangups with regard to you being a friend - C., too, btw, lol - by which I mean with having a relationship with you ... I mean, I have one, but should I pursue it? Mind you, I'm fond of you, in a certain measure, and not entirely an insignificant one, even I would say - I would also say that will never change, nor would I want it to. Also, I have my beefs, and my discomforts. It is not, however, my purpose to discuss those, here ... or possibly ever. It's more my purpose to philosophize a little, here, and see how that goes. That, btw, is not my primary purpose here, but it is one purpose of mine, here. Or, it may be my primary purpose - quite selfishly - but also (and this may not, in the end, be any less selfish), I owe you one, because you sent me a birthday greeting, and have, more generally, kept in touch with me, a bit, despite all. Despite all my tortured feelings, even despite possible justifications for them, I appreciate that quite a bit. So I do feel I owe you something ... which, by itself, would mean nothing, but if I don't fulfill that debt, then I'm not doing my part to create even the possibility of a continued relationship. I guess - getting back to pure selfishness - I'm not quite ready to let go of that possibility. (Of course, there's the possibility this is just guilt, which my very dear - perhaps, so I've heard, departed, and certainly abandoned - friend, Mark Womble, called "a useless emotion" ... ain't nothin' useless, I say, but it certainly is a silly one.)
Mind you - and aren't I asking you to mind quite a bit - there's a case to be made for just dropping the whole thing, I would say on both our parts. Who needs heartache? And I say that especially on your part. But then, and this is obvious, we do, at least to some extent. Suddenly I have quite poignant memories of Sonoma. Sweetness! (Frankly, the Blogger spell checker is a bit of a ditz. Did I misspell Sonoma? Don't think so. Accepts misspell, though.)
